balancing

Feeling out of balance these days..

Life is fast at the moment but it hasn’t quite run away from me.The cafe is busy and crowded with friendly faces. Lili, Myriam, and I work hard to make all the baked goods and breads that we sell every day. But I have also stepped out of the kitchen in a big way. The kids and I play together and read books and go for walks. We do laundry and grocery shopping and sweeping. It is wonderful.

There are many unknowns in our future. We want to stay in Melaque instead of heading North to work – it would be the wise choice if we want to grow our business here. At the same time, reality says that we will just be scraping by after paying on our debts and setting money aside to buy coffee for next season at the cafe. But that is how the last few years have been; that is how life is for everyone here in this coastal tourist town. There is a high season and a hungry season. When I look ahead the summer stretches out before me as a relaxed, settling-in-to-home time and at the same time, as a lonely, hot stretch. If I am honest with myself about it I am still a bit lonely here. I have acquaintances and friends but no one who I call up regularly to share a cup of coffee or watch the kids play on the beach with. When my sister leaves I know I will feel it.

These kids keep me laughing at myself and my worries. And when I allow myself to say the word – worry – it is then I remember. Worry is a lack of faith. Worry is not where I live. So I am constantly giving these things over to the Lord.  Balancing what I say I believe against what I do during my day. Weighing down moments with thanks and grace.

~ thanks for early morning light catching at the swallows’ wings

~ thanks for a brother’s strong legs to give a sister a ride

~ thanks for a moment of silence and a moment of chaos

~ thanks for a seeing of stars in the night sky

~ thanks for a love, growing, changing

 

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