Fear is an interesting thing. It is difficult to grasp and impossible to predict. It also can be a thing of shame and I would be lying if I said I didn’t hesitate before publicizing to the world that I don’t trust God ”enough.” But I am tired of the walls that we hide behind, the make-up we put on that tells those we interact with that everything is fine and dandy. Sometimes that is just not true; sometimes we just want to cry and run away or get furious and swear a blue streak. Thankfully, God is not offended.
It is easy for fear to creep in and grab hold and it is hard to dislodge once it’s there. Erasmus said, ”A nail is driven out by another nail.” At the moment I feel like I’m swinging wildly in the air. . .
Slow me down to keep pace with your steady, refining beat
Keep the hammer constant and grant me the faith
to not escape running but to stop and still and feel
the ring – slowly becoming pure and true –
of your Refiner’s hand against the coarse steal of my heart.
Slow me down to stop and listen to the ancient Good News
made new again
To grasp, fingers flailing, at the horror and joy of the Redemption
that is ringing through the beating,
a faithful, remarkable, blistering and healing truth –
the beat of the Refiner’s hammer.
Psalm 139 is my candle as I read again and again, ”. . .darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. . .You hem me in behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.”
And there is so much good, just plain good. I had a weekend full of the goodness of the Lord. We camped on a magical beach where the sun woke us early and warmed our cold bones as we sat drinking hot chocolate and coffee. We baked in the mid-morning sun as the breeze kept us cool. We napped on the sand in the shade and sang around a bonfire at night, watching the stars fall overhead. Snuggles, driftwood, sunscreen smell in soft, blonde curls. Friends, birthday cake, laughter. Rocks, fish, sand castles, yelps and screams of delight in the waves.
Music I find healing
Art I find inspiring