My Prayer Comes Before You

We are getting ready to open the cafe next Monday. Paint, stain, nails and hammers, coffee orders, boxes, clip boards, all move around at a breakneck speed as we try to get organized for another season. Our fifth season. One would think that we would have figured out by now how to start the season without chaos but somehow it just doesn’t happen. However, opening three days a week for the month of October is a pretty soft opening. We are starting to see a few more white faces around here but it is still very quiet. Other than my neighbor who is grinding rust off his metal door for the 10th day in a row…

I am excited about starting the season. Ben and I did a trip to the big city to buy the things that are too expensive or impossible to find in our little town. The first big shopping trip of the season is always a bit stressful because we don’t really have money to buy the things we have to buy but it is also really exciting because it means that soon we will have paying customers in the door. It’s not just us, either. The highway is getting lines newly painted, hotels around town are repainting and repairing, the abarrotes, or local grocery stores, are beginning to stock more exotic things like ginger and lemons. Soon they will have salted butter and blue cheese; be still my heart! I kind of love this time of year. The excitement is building as people anticipate the return of friends and, let’s face it, money. As much as I hate it, it’s much easier to live with it than without it at this point.

So I am excited about gearing up for the season but there is also a part of me that is nervous, shying away from the hustle-bustle. I remember the moment last year when I decided I could stop thinking about the fear that had troubled me and I willingly closed the door on it. I didn’t think about it or sense its presence during the whole season. But as soon as that season was over, fear was back with a vengeance. This season I can feel myself being distracted from the spiritual journey and I want the distraction. I don’t want to sort through the questions I have; I don’t want to feel the burn of muscle straining up switchbacks. And that scares me. I know that I crave more than anything to be in a safe, open space of freedom and joy, but I am afraid of the work that it will take to get there. I am fighting to create a space each day for “the journey.” I try to silence the busy enough to allow breathing space and, more importantly, listening space. Although my first instinct is to say there is not enough time to stop, I know there is and I must learn to protect that time now because it will only get harder.

I have been enjoying a couple different musicians and this poem during the last couple weeks so I’ll share them with you. Maybe you will be encouraged in whatever place and season you find yourself in.

Audry Assad and United Pursuit – don’t just listen to one song, many of them are really encouraging.

Also, I would just like to take this moment to remind anyone who has forgotten that I have an amazing husband. He is so encouraging and he listens to me and stills me when I need it. I love you, babe.

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